The ward has been like a madhouse.

People stopping by. Some have been very nice. I think a few are a little kooky.

Patient:It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.

Doctor:Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?

Patient:I sure did. The bottle said "keep tightly closed."

A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.

However, a little voice in his head said,

 "Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients so its not like you're the first..." This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, "... but they probably weren't veterinarians"

 Nurse Lola Mae was walking down the hospital corridor when her Nurse Cratchit spotted her.

Cratchit couldn't believe it: Lola's hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform!

NURSE LUSLIPS! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed!"

 "Oh," Nurse Luslips said, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, "It's those darn interns! They NEVER put anything back when they're through using it!"

Nurse Cratchit was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered.

This young woman had purple hair styled into a Mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.

It was determined that the patient had an acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When the punk rocker was completely disrobed on the operating table, the operating room staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it was a tattoo reading:

"Keep off the grass."

After the prep and the surgery, Nurse Cratchit added a small note to the dressing that read: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Who said that!! That's not funny!!

I'll be back, don't you worry!