We have so many patients, they are considering a new wing.

I'm so excited, I can run my ass off even more!!!

 

All the doctors were asked their opinion.

As if they should have one, the nurses run this joint.

 

Doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new wing at the hospital.

What did they do?

 

The allergists voted to scratch it.

The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.

The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.

The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.

The pathologists yelled, "over my dead body!"

The pediatricians said, "grow up."

The proctologists said, "we are in arrears."

The psychiatrists thought it was madness.

The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The radiologists could see right through it.

The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.

The plastic surgeons said, "this puts a whole new face on the matter."

The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.

The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

 

 

It's nice all these jackasses have so many opinions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A young man goes to Dr. Killsmany for a physical examination.

When he gets into the room, the man strips for his exam.

He has a penis the size of a little kid's little finger.

Nurse Cratchit was standing in the room sees his little penis and begins to laugh hysterically.

The young man gives her a stern look and says,

"You shouldn't laugh, it's been swollen like that for two weeks now!"

 

 

Who said that!! That's not funny, you should be ashamed of yourselves!

 

I'll be back, don't you worry!!

Ethel B. Cratchit

 I'm a strong, independent woman. I don't like to be bothered with all the jibber-jabber and gossip like most women, they are all sex pots anyway.

 

 

 This is my dog, Tumor.

I've trained him to do many things. He's not a people lover, but he does hump my leg every now and then.

 

 

 

This is my mother, may she rest in peace.

She worked her ass off taking care of people all her life. She was a kind, warm person. I take after my dad.

 

I am so proud of my doll collection. I just collect the heads, they take up less space. They have such personality, don't they??

 

 

Dr. Killsmany has no idea I yearn for his touch. I wrote a beautiful poem for him.

 

 I Lust for You.

Show me your Body.

Show me your tidy whities.

Get buck naked,

Be a man.

Give me your smells,

the stale fritos I love

Give me what all you have,

Even if it’s not that much.

I want to see

All of yours.

Feel my feet,

Feel my ears,

Feel my rolls,

Feel my rear.

My body begs…

If Lust is sin, So be it…

For I am woman,

How can I love you

and not lust you?

You hunk of man.

 

Ain't love grand??

 

 

 I'm going out get a pedicure....I always have to be at my best, if Dr. Killsmany decides to take me in the linen closet.

 

 

I'll be back, don't you worry.

 

 

Sometimes we have the student nurses come in to the ward.

They are still learning, so strange things can happen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-hour, surgical procedure.

Nurse Cratchit appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, Nurse Cratchit replies, “I don’t know sir, I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, sir.”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely… ..

Are - my - test - results - back?!!?”

 

Who said that!! That's not funny!!

 

I'll be back, don't you worry!

 

 

 

It has been very busy here. We've seen all types of patients today.

 

 

Erma Easilay came in to help.

 I think she wants Doctor Killsmany.

 I see her shaking her tail down the hall. She's a hussy.

 

 

Dr. Killsmany

 

 

 

This nice lady had a tragic accident.

 

 

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into the ward.

Doctor Killsmany says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample."

 The old man says, "What?"

So Doctor Killsmany says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?"

So Doctor  Killsmany yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!"

With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

 

 

 

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses' office and informed Nurse Cratchit that his penis died.

Nurse Cratchit, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.

Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging outside his pants.

Nurse Cratchit saw him and said, "Mr. Smith, I thought you told me your penis died?"

 "It did," he replied. "Today is the viewing!"

 

 

Who said that?? You should be ashamed of yourselves.

 

 

I'll be back, don't you worry.

 Meet the psychiatrist.

 

 

Dr. Jolly

 

 Dr. Jolly is a fine man. He has a small group of patients. Seems they drop like flies under his care. Most drop from very tall buildings while screaming Jeronimooooooooooo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome to the psychiatrist hotline:

 

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 . . . repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and we are tracing this call. Please stay on the line.

If you are schizophrenic, please wait and a little voice will tell you what to do.

If you are manic depressive it doesn’t matter what you do, no one cares about you anyway

 

 

I've seen this guy in the clinic, I don't think his lobotomy was effective.

 

 

 I used to date that guy. I liked the mask. He made me wear one too, when I wasn't wearing the paper bag.

 

Dr. Jolly loves to help the children.

 

 

A very homely young woman made an appointment with a Dr. Jolly.

She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"

 

"I'm sure I can," Dr. Jolly replied. "Just go over there and lie face down on that couch."

 

 

 

On the ward Nurse Cratchit walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.

Nurse Cratchit asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?"

Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!"

Nurse Cratchit wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day Cratchit enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?"

Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago".

"Great," replied Nurse Cratchit.

Cratchit leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating.

Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?!" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

 

 

 That's not funny!! Who said that???

You should be ashamed of yourselves!!

 

 I'll be back, don't you worry!!